Why are we afraid of making mistakes?
Today I am going to write about making mistakes. This is really written for myself, something I have been meditating upon and wanna share with you.
What is it about making mistakes that people are so uncomfortable and feel repulsive about. We "take cover", "pushes them away", find ways to explains it, finding excuses out of it, blame others for it. Well, who like to make mistakes? Who like to be wrong? Who like to screw up, get into troubles? When we make mistakes, especially in a group, we draw attentions to ourselves, it is not a good kind of attention. Suddenly, you feel like the spotlight is on you, you feel isolated, ostracise from your group. You are left to defend yourself, you feel small, and vulnerable. NOT a good feeling. *Where did this shame came about?* (Negative Emotions Evoked)
I wonder, is that really the human nature? This .. collective psyche? When Adam and Eve sinned against God by partaking the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and made the grave mistake, they hide, and lied and pointed fingers. They cover themselves, and they felt shame. So mankind has perfected a million ways to hide, our psychological "defense mechanisms" are simply reflexes we have perfected through the millions of years to "hide, and not face shame". We are so good at it, we don't even know we uses them! We don't like to admit that we make mistakes because we don't like the feelings that associate with it. I think It's not the "mistakes" that is unacceptable, it's more of the FEELING that we can't stand.
*Culture of Making Mistakes.*
Our culture also do not value Mistakes. It's a mistake! We are not very tolerance towards people who made mistakes. We reactively think that people who made mistakes are "stupid people who should have known better", and then they made mistakes, they "must have done it on purpose!".
Look, Children in schools are not allowed to make mistakes (at least, not enough time for them.) In the "working world" (as if there are any difference, it's still life), we hide our mistakes, flaws, short-coming. Somehow we have come to believe that "Mistakes makes me less of a person", "We love perfect people", "people are perfect", "perfect people makes no mistakes", "Mistakes means i am not perfect", "People will despise me..", "if boss knows about my mistakes, he/she will think less of me, and that is going to jeopardise my career". So, what do we do? We hide our mistakes. (So, lie and point fingers). *What are Mistakes?* Mistakes are errors, whether in actions, or opinion caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge or experience. Simply put, Mistakes are made when deeds and words are not based on right perception of reality. so, when you do not have experience, or have not enough knowledge, or you have misunderstood the information, mistakes are made!
(The Main Point) I think we need to start to separate "mistaken actions/perception", "bad feelings that has been evoked", and "Self-Worth". When we made a mistakes, and when someone points out that mistakes, we need to stop and think of what is happening here. Yes, it's a shameful and horrible feelings to be called out, but that should not make us less of a person.
When Mistakes happen, you know how to rectify the mistakes! Because you now know how to prevent that kind of mistakes from happening again! It will not be easy to switch your thinking pattern around to start to like mistakes. But with Mindfulness, we can do it. Don't be afraid of making mistakes.
Imagine that each skills you have in you is a plant in a garden, and when you make a mistake, you got a pile of garbage in your garden, or worse, a pile of shit! But if you can mindfully discern "Mistaken Actions/Perception", "Bad feelings you have" and "who you are as a person", you can convert that garbage and shit into fertiliser. Use that fertiliser, to help your plant grow even bigger, and it will bear fruits.
Perhaps, no mistakes = no garbage = no fertiliser = slow growth.
For teachers, mentors and seniors who are in position to guide and teach: Your gracious speech, and patience in delivery the experience and knowledge to younger ones will help them to grow and, by the way, it will be a mistake if you think that you will not make mistakes again.
What is it about making mistakes that people are so uncomfortable and feel repulsive about. We "take cover", "pushes them away", find ways to explains it, finding excuses out of it, blame others for it. Well, who like to make mistakes? Who like to be wrong? Who like to screw up, get into troubles? When we make mistakes, especially in a group, we draw attentions to ourselves, it is not a good kind of attention. Suddenly, you feel like the spotlight is on you, you feel isolated, ostracise from your group. You are left to defend yourself, you feel small, and vulnerable. NOT a good feeling. *Where did this shame came about?* (Negative Emotions Evoked)
I wonder, is that really the human nature? This .. collective psyche? When Adam and Eve sinned against God by partaking the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and made the grave mistake, they hide, and lied and pointed fingers. They cover themselves, and they felt shame. So mankind has perfected a million ways to hide, our psychological "defense mechanisms" are simply reflexes we have perfected through the millions of years to "hide, and not face shame". We are so good at it, we don't even know we uses them! We don't like to admit that we make mistakes because we don't like the feelings that associate with it. I think It's not the "mistakes" that is unacceptable, it's more of the FEELING that we can't stand.
*Culture of Making Mistakes.*
Our culture also do not value Mistakes. It's a mistake! We are not very tolerance towards people who made mistakes. We reactively think that people who made mistakes are "stupid people who should have known better", and then they made mistakes, they "must have done it on purpose!".
Look, Children in schools are not allowed to make mistakes (at least, not enough time for them.) In the "working world" (as if there are any difference, it's still life), we hide our mistakes, flaws, short-coming. Somehow we have come to believe that "Mistakes makes me less of a person", "We love perfect people", "people are perfect", "perfect people makes no mistakes", "Mistakes means i am not perfect", "People will despise me..", "if boss knows about my mistakes, he/she will think less of me, and that is going to jeopardise my career". So, what do we do? We hide our mistakes. (So, lie and point fingers). *What are Mistakes?* Mistakes are errors, whether in actions, or opinion caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge or experience. Simply put, Mistakes are made when deeds and words are not based on right perception of reality. so, when you do not have experience, or have not enough knowledge, or you have misunderstood the information, mistakes are made!
(The Main Point) I think we need to start to separate "mistaken actions/perception", "bad feelings that has been evoked", and "Self-Worth". When we made a mistakes, and when someone points out that mistakes, we need to stop and think of what is happening here. Yes, it's a shameful and horrible feelings to be called out, but that should not make us less of a person.
When Mistakes happen, you know how to rectify the mistakes! Because you now know how to prevent that kind of mistakes from happening again! It will not be easy to switch your thinking pattern around to start to like mistakes. But with Mindfulness, we can do it. Don't be afraid of making mistakes.
Imagine that each skills you have in you is a plant in a garden, and when you make a mistake, you got a pile of garbage in your garden, or worse, a pile of shit! But if you can mindfully discern "Mistaken Actions/Perception", "Bad feelings you have" and "who you are as a person", you can convert that garbage and shit into fertiliser. Use that fertiliser, to help your plant grow even bigger, and it will bear fruits.
Perhaps, no mistakes = no garbage = no fertiliser = slow growth.
For teachers, mentors and seniors who are in position to guide and teach: Your gracious speech, and patience in delivery the experience and knowledge to younger ones will help them to grow and, by the way, it will be a mistake if you think that you will not make mistakes again.
TED TALK : Brian Goldman: Doctors make mistakes. Can we talk about that?
Moses Hng
