**202008191814: How to reduce Shame and Guilt** Reference:  - [On Emotion : Shame and Guilt](evernote:///view/463671/s5/153b1acb-0707-49a4-9085-8e07a66e52c0/153b1acb-0707-49a4-9085-8e07a66e52c0/) - [C202008191901 : What are the risks to suicide?](evernote:///view/463671/s5/c0327de4-a2c7-4370-a4d1-3889ca120d39/c0327de4-a2c7-4370-a4d1-3889ca120d39/) Forward: - [C202008191857: How to manage shame?](evernote:///view/463671/s5/af3435ab-19a0-4419-8e48-d44659aee20c/af3435ab-19a0-4419-8e48-d44659aee20c/) - [C202008191859 : How to manage guilt?](evernote:///view/463671/s5/4d682635-59c0-4cd3-a685-77b969236178/4d682635-59c0-4cd3-a685-77b969236178/) --- Thinking of what my clinical supervisor, shared with us about Shame and Guilt during one of the supervision sessions. [[C202003130819: Systemic Group Supervision on 12 March 2020](evernote:///view/463671/s5/9dc4401f-170b-42ee-96dc-29466195d4ac/9dc4401f-170b-42ee-96dc-29466195d4ac/)] [[20200806 systemic group supervision](evernote:///view/463671/s5/315cb298-4a02-4785-a03a-b8700fa0e7a4/315cb298-4a02-4785-a03a-b8700fa0e7a4/)]. And my personal reflection on 18 Aug 2020 [[20200818 Morning Pages for 18 Aug 2020](evernote:///view/463671/s5/94a85a73-3630-41b5-96c8-2fa3aa7fee16/94a85a73-3630-41b5-96c8-2fa3aa7fee16/)]. I agree that insights alone, about “what I am feeling” is only the first step in reducing the pain. I am curious about understanding how to reduce the shame and guilt experienced in myself, and in my patient.  I recall this sets of notes from Karl Tomm’s [[Masterclass - Family Therapy with Prof Karl Tomm](evernote:///view/463671/s5/8fa9fd32-c2a0-4ebf-a91a-e9852fa26204/8fa9fd32-c2a0-4ebf-a91a-e9852fa26204/)] [[Notes for "deconstructing shame and guilt and opening space for reconciliation through apology and forgiveness”](evernote:///view/463671/s5/6cfb913a-4046-4e9f-8d03-0a364a1b859d/6cfb913a-4046-4e9f-8d03-0a364a1b859d/)]  Building the following “steps" within his “Interventive Interviewing” therapeutic conversations framework - Shame and Guilt sometimes incite suicidal thought and actions, there are two major sources of shame and guilt [slide 47], "_Shame bring about effects of wanting to hide, and extreme shame can bring forth suicide_.” - Clinical Implications: Knowing that people have the natural response to want to hide shame, therefore we need to be sensitive and gentle, to invite conversation, to break the silence, to create space to talk. To move client from a position of “victimisation” to “survivor”.  - **Where do shame come from?** - External - Arises from ‘identity injuries' - Shaming practices by others,  - Judgemental cultural beliefs/values that have been internalised.  - Internal - from guilt, arises from ‘bad’ actions.  - When one’s own behaviour has resulted in injury to others. - Reflecting on one own’s deliberate acts of omission that are hurtful. (Failure to act) - These two emotions become mutually entangled. Therapy then focus on disentangle these two emotions, as the pathways to deconstruct them are different.  - The end goal for Guilt is to apologise. While the end goal for shame is forgiveness. [[C202008160910: Four Steps Self-Forgiveness Process](evernote:///view/463671/s5/7055a021-00fa-474e-b3ab-8e4fd950f65b/7055a021-00fa-474e-b3ab-8e4fd950f65b/), [Forgiveness therapy can free you from the hurts of the past | Aeon Essays](evernote:///view/463671/s5/58ec8cbb-e7fd-43a9-891a-8b42c2cb3ce4/58ec8cbb-e7fd-43a9-891a-8b42c2cb3ce4/) , Book: Forgiveness and Revenge by Trudy Govier, Govier Trudy] - However. there are barriers to forgiveness as well.  **What are the steps in Deconstructing Guilt? (**Slide 50) 1. Identifying and naming guilt feelings  — (_Differentiating the feelings accurately is important, because if client feel guilt, but name it shame, the wrong label make them stuck, because treatment is different [ Here reminded me of how language/words/concepts can cause stickiness. -_ [20200812: Thesis Assignment](evernote:///view/463671/s5/7590040b-da0b-45ba-8e58-6c7af2f87359/7590040b-da0b-45ba-8e58-6c7af2f87359/)]  2. Connecting guilt feelings to harmful actions 3. Clarifying underlying good intentions 4. Separating good intentions from bad effects 5. Acknowledging responsibility for harmful actions 6. Experiencing regret and remorse for harmful effects 7. Extending a full moral apology 8. Taking restorative action 9. Harvesting important learnings 10. Building new behavioural competencies 11. Going public with generosity and humility.  **What are the steps in Deconstructing Shame? (**Slide 51) 1. Identifying and acknowledging feelings of shame 2. Understanding the origins of being shamed 3. Recognised the injustice in the shaming process 4. Searching for acts of resistance against the injustice 1. _Acts of resistance - What have the person done to counter that injustice? For example, crying about the abuse is a form of protesting! Protesting that what the perpetrator did was wrong, and implicitly implied that the person know they deserve better!)_ 6. Honouring the self for resisting the injustice 7. Mobilising anger and outrage towards the injustice  8. Using anger to break the silence and disclose the injustice 9. Using resentment to hold offenders accountable 10. Contributing to conditions for an apology 11. Relinquishing resentment thru circumscribed forgiveness 12. Accepting past injustices and moving on.  Different questions to ask for each points here [[Recent developments in Therapeutic Conversation](evernote:///view/463671/s5/d3043261-f391-4223-b5de-a8527bd8c45f/d3043261-f391-4223-b5de-a8527bd8c45f/)]