# Book Note for Father Hunger (James Herzog) ![[Pasted image 20220206101415.png]] ## **Chapter 1-3** - In this chapter of the book. We read about parental unconscious projections, expectations, beliefs on their off-spring influences on the child self-image. - He need to be “hard”. The boy need to live up to that expectation, unconsciously thus the child, he doesn’t have space for his real development.  - _Father - over  compensation. Mother - own issue with her femininity_ - _"The analytic work allowed in play for a new program to be introduced by virtue of extended opportunities for the analyst to accompany Bart in his fantasy and by the concurrent treatment of the parents._ _The parents were able to make substantial changes in themselves and thus allow Bart a little bit more space for his own growth and for the analytic process__. In the play Jeb acknowledged a basic fact that a new program can coexist with one already in place, but that the delete function is not extant in usual human (or walrus) functioning._ - _In this second round of analysis, I began meeting individually with Howard. Together we worked on how he might help his son with his aggression by using his own strength and endowment for Bart. I proposed that, when Bart and his dad fought, a seemingly favorite undertaking,_ _Howard should say to him, “I will help you learn to fight well and to manage your anger carefully. I know how to do these things better than you do because I am older, have more practice and experience, and am your father. You needn't worry that our fighting will get out of control because I am strong enough to manage the situation, and I will.” This developmental help allowed Howard to interact with his son in a way that was less terrifying for the boy and more in keeping with Bart's developing internalized structure and better modulation._ ![[Pasted image 20220206101502.png]] ![[Pasted image 20220206101514.png]] ![[Pasted image 20220206101520.png]] Page 87 - Michael: Looking for father - On Play Function: - the need to "do it", the - ego function of play - developmental history - Relationships, identification, - Playing is meaning making under self-authorship. - When there is a hypo or hyperstimulation, or deficiencies of accompaniment, engagement, or understanding (to the child), it interrupts the ego function in play, to make meaning of self-authorship. The result is a deformation of the play function. - This deformation may appear as "displacement", and give rise to enactment. Enactment refers to having to do it. (Enact: he does it, interactive enacts: other people have to play a part) Things have to happen in a specific way to maintain the ongoing movement of the play.. like a script. - Play tend to move from the concrete, to abstract, symbol representation. The "shift to the left" means, each successively appearance are more immature. Thus, reversing the developmental trajectory of play. - people reverse and become rigid, concrete.  - The fantasy as an organizing and meaning-giving... So you can be aware of the fantasy and not act on them [[C202003231325 : Play relate to meaning making. Enactment come with there is deformation to play](evernote:///view/463671/s5/844848f8-daec-43a0-84e8-580f1a5ea1a1/c24bc1f0-1ab8-482a-b3ed-5d0ab50ef081)] - "All men need to participate in a relationship with a male parent who is loved by the female parent. It is in this matrix that issues of male selfness and problems of penetrance, fertility, disruptive attunement, aggressive modulation and nonfemaleness or non-motherness are negotiated and worked on." Page 88 - ?what about children who are raised by gay parents? - Author says that michael search for father is nomothetic, - Within Micheal, there is a perverse structure constructed but remain in mental realm, not enacted. - Michael go through intense longing, acceptance, mourning... Going through analysis, fully examine the bonds, ability to replay... "pain persists and is remembered or otherwise preserved in fantasy, but there is a choice whether or not to repeat it in actuality, either incorporating transformed fantasy or in its original rendition." page 90- -- so you are saying, dont have to act it out. "the question of boundary maintenance in an individual whose boundaries have been violated is a highly interesting one" page 90  Resonated with me. I always say i "dont wanna do harm" Micheal in the end understand why he does what he does, and what he can or cannot do? More awareness, and flexibility? Less constriction of options. This requires accompaniment, engagement and understanding. Leading to mourning, re-equilibrium and the capability for continued psychological growth. (page 92) --- so far reading the Father Hunger book made me curious about the formation of pervasions and fetishes **Some reflections from reading the book (Father Hunger, by James Herzog).** - We long for things that we do not have. - We have needs, and we desire to be satisfied, fulfilled. - What if it's simply because of that? - We needed fathers to show us the ropes, to teach us to be men, to understand our masculinity. When we don't know how to do it, we suffer or become rigid and compensate to do it harder ... - **_At this point, I don't think homosexuality is totally related to simply missing father figure. I am sure there are gay people who have wonderful fathers._** - The "doing it" part. What if I simply needed to learn how to do it... - Perhaps I didn't had the opportunity to learn in the past.  - Each projecting an image, expectation/imagined ideal of what it should be like, and to live up to that standard.. - What are the untold, unconscious image of a father that i have? - Perhaps the image of my father is one who doesn't show lots of interests in me, the good memories are him playing with me... But also bad memories... - If i am a father to someone. - I notice I kept a distance, silence type? As I don't get reciprocated, or to prevent anxieties, intention to protect to not be violence against others. Causes harm - What are my attractions and why, and how they relate to father hunger/fantasy? - Sexuality related to childhood/parental fantasy?  (Relate to my curiosity to Gender studies, sexuality) --- **Chapter 10: ALI: Opa and the Man Goose** Page 104 - Ali, talking abut her ex butt.  Don’t know what is that about.  **Chapter 11: The T Family** - Play in child analysis is a complex and changing phenomenon. Watch out for displacement, enactment or direct interaction with the analyst. Each child is different, at different stage.  - Play is an “action language” of doing, redoing, and undoing. to re-present, communicate, and trying on both within the evolving self-system and between self and others.  - Capacity for “play” is innate, just like other ego function. But must have a suitable environment for that. - Vision developed by light simulations. So adult must take it seriously, to help play fully develop. (page 123) A Distressed Family (Page 124) -  The story of a family. Father 24, mother 20s. Father is physically weak and willed. Mother is preoccupied and doesn’t seems to care about husband or children, only preoccupied with her own issues with her mother.  - Children are 4, 3, and 2. They become “naughty” to elicit a response from father. When father threaten to hit them. They seems concern about father “reactivity”.  - In individual child’s play interview. - 2 year old kerry play with teddy bear, little bear poke big bear to elicit response. (Big bear made a loud noise and want to hit small bear). Kerry then say “good good” and smiled.  - 3 year old Jack.  - Who couldn’t sleep at night. Created a family of puppet. Car accident hit both mummy and daddy. Boy puppet scare to sleep. His parents cannot move. Therapist used his “dream machine” (a pen), and asked Jack what is the boy puppet dreaming about. He said that boy puppet afraid monsters will eat him.  - Boy puppet then go and hit another puppet. Then father puppet moved and hit him. He say “daddy better now" - Robby 4 years old.  - Family scene, puppet family. Both parents’s parent fed parents puppet something and made them sick. Children have to be quiet and do all the house work.  - Therapist introduced a reported from “Sesame Street” to interview about this special family.  - He also made a puppet child to hit another, so that father will hit them, then they have a daddy. - After father passed away in a few months time. Children were separated in adopted family.  - Kerry now 6 years old -  - quiet, extreme polite girl. Do well in school, but withdrawn, keep to herself. pinch herself until got bruises.  - When kerry ask therapist to step on one of the bear, therapist instead of enacting it, explored it instead, so the sequence of play was not continued.  - When kerry pinched herself and threw reaction from therapist, kerry calmed down.  - Therapist choose to accede request of “stepping on the bear” to enact in displacement.. to allow the “material to flow and process of exploration to continue." - Jack, continued 3 years of analysis. Would play and then feel sad and hug the therapist” - [Eisler (1953) - “Parameter of a techniqu](evernote:///view/463671/s5/2117f8db-8709-4936-a982-19f8271b931a/2117f8db-8709-4936-a982-19f8271b931a/)e” — any fruitful deviation from a purely interpretive stance.  - Robby enter analysis at age 10,  PAge 133 ---- C202003211351: Book Notes - Chapter 17: Father Hunger, James Herzog CHAPTER 17. How do men get into one another? Page 237 ^4a7701 - Father-son relationship is only one form of male-male interactions. There are fraternal interactions, does this differ from male-female, female-female interactions? - Author asked, how does man “get into” each other without physically penetrating, how does man behave to permit closeness, cooperation and play? - Author go on with a few case studies about how younger man needed to be taught how to “be a man”, and “someone need to teach them to be man”. - A quote “for flowers to bloom, there must be plenty of manure." - Author presented a story of Nathan, who is a MO in training developed attraction to Joe. Based on my family therapy lens. He was emotionally closer to his mother. He pursue a career in surgery (which was what his father was doing), and the Joe is a neruosurgeon, who was warmth and funny, which was what he never experienced with his father. - Nathan marry Amanda with a child. Kept in touch with Joe (who is not attached with Jeff). Still attracted to him. - After working with Nathan for 3 years in analytic work. Nathan now developed parental transference on James, seeing him as mother, also romantic quality. Nathan felt that he was the therapist favourite. (— made me wonder what my patients think of me, and what that means) - How Nathan see’s James as “grey” - was possibly Nathan’s defense, "something about his deficit in his masculine development" - Nathan also think that his son should have a german name like his father and brother, and that his son name Helmut sound nice with Herzog (author). He wonder why his son should bear his name. - Why did Nathan include therapist in his family tree? - Suddenly anger during session. ( — Author was very focused on the process, and what was going on, instead of the content. Reminded me of Bowen focus on Process-vs-Content) - The topic went into talking about penises, and erections. Then there was enactment at play. Nathan seeing therapist like father. - Enactment. (Related to Book Note for Father Hunger (James Herzog) - deformation lead to enactment ) [[L202003051342 Transference and Counter Transference]] - Patient worked out hard because he was fat before, doesn’t want to be ridicule again. - "I felt very much like apologizing. I had known that his father called him dick (german slang for fat) Years of working out had been designed in part to make sure that he was not dick, but, rather, trim and in excellent shape.” - p245 - p 246: Nathan recent incident at the operating theatre, the oozing artery, brought his mind to thinking of the therapist erections (a response and irrepressible ejaculation), caused him to be shouted by Joe.. link to his father as bloodless, cold.. His mother said that he is his prince, then why his father doesn’t love him? or help him? ( — When one incident brings up lots of memories, triggered, and association. ) - Author wonder did his not answer Nathan’s question, talking about german reminded Nathan of his father? - Both analyst and analysand, were revisiting and doing a new man-with-man dialogue (— Analytic work take so much time. How does other therapy approach does it? in the subsequent story of a young 3 year old Davey, who identify himself as a girl, because of his absence father in modulating the mother-son interaction. We know in family theory about parental-child triangle dynamic, but what about the intrapsychic mechanism Libidal, aggressive, drives… that explain how it works. Perhaps even reminded me of my patient who say he is non-binary)