# CHAPTER THREE - DEFYING SOCIAL PRESSURE Source: 'Happy Singlehood The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living' Elyakim Kislev #singlehood Related [[How to be a happy single?]] ## Singles stigma and social pressure - recognise the power of unspoken stigma in society and whether i have internalised them - 82 - Singles internalize this discrimination, stigmatisation, and stereotyping spreading throughout society, practises that create negative social, educational, economic, and legal connotations for those considering going solo after divorce or the death of a spouse or simply choosing singleness in the first place. ## Some examples of discrimination against singles - 85 - We are accustomed to viewing race, ethnicity and sexual orientation as reasons for discrimination, but being unmarried is perhaps just as common a reason for firing singles or not hiring them... even though private lives (why must answer to anyone?) - ... singles' nonprofessional lives are not as valid or important as those of married people, singles are also frequently discriminated against in everyday office life. (Married people time more important then single people time?) ## Defying social pressure and discrimination ### Increase awareness of discrimination against singles - 90 - simply noticing and identifying discrimination ... and understand effect on mental health. ### Positive Self-perception - 94 - The three components comprising positive self-perception described in this section --- self-confidence, optimism and feeling valuable -- demonstrate possible pathways for improving singles' self-perception. ^3870b5 ### ### Avoiding negativity, choosing single-friendly environments - There are many trends in big cities that are normalizing singles living - In church, (Footnote 66) page 95 "in a church that was founded by a single guy, singles are terribly marginalised... " - 96 - Normalizing single lifestyles, these environment help reduce the singlism and matrimania that lead to reduce self-esteem in the first place. - 97 - It could be that members of the LGBTQ community, who are more used to social stigma, are actually less affected byu the pressure to marry that others face and, as a result, are more likely than hetrosexual singles to cohabit with friends.... - Singles who can find single-friendly environments are expected to gain not only the benefits of increased social captial but also the added value of being able to share with others and experience empathy. ### direct defiance of discriminatory practises - 98 "I do get the head cocked to one side and the sympathetic voice saying 'Oh, are you still single?" in return, say "Oh, still in a relationship? can't hack it on your own? It complete invalidates my life as a single person." ### empowerment - 99 - empower oneself by adopting a positive view about one's singleness rather than feeling neglected or unattractive. .. different from developing a positive self-perception, because of instead of focusing on the individual, in involves perception of one's situation as a single person. - Two group - Single by choice - who are happy with their relationship status and are not currently looking for a partner - Singles by circumstance - include those who desire marriage and are currently looking to be married - 100 - Empowering singles who are happy with their permanent or temporary singles is especially important, because they often face the most severe social problem. - Those who are single by choice are perceived as more miserable and lonely than those who are single by circumstances, and the latter are viewed as more mature and sociable. One explanation for these findings is that those who are single by choice may be seen as defying the social norms of matrimania and, thus, elicit others' anger, while singles by circumstance elicit empathy. - Need to have workshop to train singles to be at peace with their marital status, just like marriage workshop, or relationship workshop.. need workshop to cater to single lifestyle on how to take care of self and live happily.