# disengagement Date [[02-03-2021]] Source [[Daring Greatly How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead]] **Disengagement proceed betrayal** - When the people we move or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing, and stop fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears - the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can't point to the source of our pain - there's no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. it can feel crazy-making. - they can't articulate how they feel about our disengagement when we stop making an effort with them, they show us by acting out, thinking, this will get their attention. - big betrayals that i mentioned before are more likely to happen after a period of disengagement and slowly eroding trust.