#loneliness Source: [[202012261312 Loneliness (book notes)]] ## EASE your way to social connection [[202012261312 Loneliness (book notes)#^126e81]] ## Action plan to counter loneliness. EASE your way to social connection **E for extend yourself** - Experiment with it, - Feed others, don't expect anything back. - Sending out social signal, somebody will signal back. - Make no assumptions - Volunteer, teach others, tutor, read to blind etc **A for Action Plan** - We have latitude in choosing where to invest out social energy, we are still able to exert control. - You can volunteer for activities without any skills. - Social connection is not a popularity contest, and goal of change is not to win on America Idol. Goal is to connect meaningfully with others. - Healthy, sustainable relationships are based on willing reciprocity, not exploitation. - Feeling lonely also makes us fall victim to our own eagerness to please. - most adaptive model is an openness to engagement combined with realistic expectations, accurate perception of social cues—including cues that suggest caution—and realism about the type and number of commitments to take on. **S for Selection** - it's quality not quantity - Have to be meaningful, and satisfying. - Mutual, fairly similar level of intimacy and intensity, - pace at both side feel comfortable, - Selection is sensing which prospective relationships are promising, and which would be climbing the wrong tree. Be calm, and mindful, to interpret those signal accurately. - Careful selection, guided by self-regulation. Plan ahead your meals. So you won't snack on unhealthy junk. (Don't get caught up by physical, status) - Data shows that similarity (birds of same feather flock together) trumps complementarity (opposites attracts). - How to find people like me? - ?online? Reading? Forum? Internet? **E for Expect the Best.** - Social contentment can help us to be more consistent, generous, and resilient. It can make us more optimistic, and that “expect the best” attitude helps us project the best. - Watch out - Loneliness can make us demanding. - Loneliness can make us critical. - Loneliness can make us behave passively and withdraw. -