# How to be a happy single? Source: 'Happy Singlehood The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living' Elyakim Kislev #singlehood 1. Come to term and take ownership of the choice [[202110182130 Taking Ownership of Singlehood in Old Age]] 2. Enjoy the solitude [[202110182133 Enjoy solitude vs being a lonely old man]] 3. Make plans for old age [[202110182134 Taking care of self when in old age]] 4. Positive Psychology, self-care, healthy sense of self [[202110182135 Cultivate healthy self identity when old]] 5. Keep busy and connected socially. Give to others. Nurture relationships [[202110182136 Surround yourself with love]] 6. develop repertoire of strategies [[202110182137 develop repertoire of strategies to age happily]] #singlehood ------- # CHAPTER TWO : HAPPY SINGLEHOOD IN OLD AGE ## The Secrets of Happy Old Singles ### Taking Ownership of Singlehood in Old Age - Happy older singles are those who can come to terms with not having followed the traditional family path, finding meaning in the life they chose to live for, for widowed individuals, in the loss they had experienced. - In short, happy older singles simply stated that they never wanted to marry whatsover. They took responsibility for their lives and were satisfied with their social ties as a substitute for marriage. - Never-married individuals, involvement with friends, extended family, and community gave them the confident to feel that they did not "miss out" dispite all the prejudice against them. -- page 57 - Unhappy older always-single tended to attribute their relationship status to circumstances such as never finding the "right person", health reasons, or responsibilities that prevented them from dating. - page 58 - It would seem, then, that sooner long-term singles can be at peace with the question "why am i single,", the sooner they can feel whole with the "lost" opportunity to make a traditional family, and can break the stigma and enjoy independence. - Some studies have found that the sense of wholeness with never being married correlates with reduced levels of loneliness. - 58 ### The silver line between "A lonely old man" and "enjoying my solitude" - Page 61 - Instead of feeling lonely and out of contact, the happy ones simply enjoy their solitude. - Happy older singles are capable of being at peace with solitary time, solitude does not mean loneliness or isolation for them but merely time spent alone. - 62 - If a married couple do not exercise their "solitude muscles", they may end up being more vulnerable to loneliness and social isolation than their single compatriots. ### "I am able to take care of myself in old age" - 64 - What distinguishes happy older singles is the ability to foresee possible emergencies and to prepare accordingly. - Some single interviewees described saving extra money, continuing to work, and even preparing their last wills to take control of such unpredictable situations. - 66 Idea -- putting an ad on local noticeboard - "student roommates wanted. Free rent and food in exchange for house chores and helping the retired landlord for a few hours every week." ### The Self behind prejudices and stereotypes against older singles - 69 - Happy older singles adjust their self-identities in order to deal with these societal pressures and prejudices - Never-married enjoy an advantage in their old age over other marital statues because they never used marriage as a form of self-validation, and because they often develop habits suitable to their social situation. - it was found that older never-married show fever signs of stress, are more likely to enjoy living alone, and report needing less social support than the newly single. - 70- positive psychology can improve happiness among older singles. Indeed, practical applications of positive psychology include practices such as positive affirmations, writing exercises, and self-reward. ### I am surrounded with love - 72 - Keeping busy, engage socially. "Being lonely has no age limits. Being sick has no age limits. When one lives their life in a way that is giving and supportive of others, they will receive love and support in their time of need. Conversely, if they live a more selfish, self-absorbed life, they might find themselves devoid of such support when needed. - 74 - I found that happy older singles actively prepared for singlehood in later life by investing in their wider families - in addition to investment in the extended family, community-based services are critical and effective in abating the feelings of loneliness and reducing the negative effects of the unique challenges facing older singles. ### Aging happily unmarried. - 75 - Those who remain unmarried possess a repertoire of frameworks that better prepare them for single living. - 76 - People's ability to adopt these strategies once they realise they will stay single for a long period of time was salient thoughout the interviews i conducted. [[CHAPTER THREE - DEFYING SOCIAL PRESSURE]]